Relationships come in many colors, shapes and sizes. Some make sense to us, and others seem highly unlikely, yet there they are… thriving.
What determines what makes these things work?
I remember hearing while growing up that the more people had in common, the more likely they were to get along. I remain unconvinced that this is a set rule. Sure, it seems logical that more common interests mean more activities to do together which equates to more time spent together and hopefully a stronger bond. This scenario is certainly possible, but it isn’t the only possibility. Here’s another one to consider: the joy and sense of adventure that can be found in exploring interests outside of our own with someone who can help you along the way and feed your excitement. Or maybe this one: spending time with a person simply because of the feeling you get with them – safety, peace, acceptance, believing there’s no need to pretend in that person’s presence. Not everything in life can be easily explained with words, however.
Have you ever seen those people you swore were a granddaughter taking her grandmother out to lunch, only to realize that they were simply friends catching up? What could a 70-year-old and a 30-year-old have to talk about on a regular basis? And no, I’m not talking about mentoring relationships. I’m talking about simple friendships. What could the painfully shy teen and the very outgoing teen with a YouTube channel to boot have in common? How is it that marriages that we thought were break-proof, because we had watched the relationship bloom and believed them to be made for each other, fall apart? Why is it that those we thought were doomed from the start, and already had our bets in as to how many months they would last, somehow manage to not just survive, but also thrive?
What determines what makes these things work?
I know what doesn’t. It’s not what we see from the outside. The external gestures only count if they are flowing from what’s on the inside. It’s not having a common background. It can help, but it can’t hold a relationship together. I could go on, but the truth is that it’s never just one thing. There is no one secret ingredient that sets the sauce up just right.
I know it’s none of these things because the ties that create lasting relationships, lasting friendships, are intangible. It happens on the inside where we can’t observe the process, but we can feel its effects. We’ve all heard or said these phrases, “There’s just something about the person”, “I never felt this way before”, or “I can’t explain it, I just know it”. The intangible must be reinforced with the tangible, however. That’s the part we observe – the tangible. The conversations, the laughs, the gestures, the closeness. They’re all great, but they are simply symptoms.
It’s what’s inside that makes the difference.