When we were growing up, there were times when our parents or guardians told us we should or shouldn’t do something and we would ask, “But, why?” It would be a rare one of us who didn’t hear this answer at least once: “Because I said so.” How many of us then thought (or said!) “That’s not an answer.”
“Because I said so.”
Well, I’m here to confess that I too thought that answer required an explanation. I too thought it wasn’t fair to just lay it down and leave it. I wanted to know. I didn’t know or care how tiring or complicated the explanation would be. In truth, I think I really just wanted to have my own way, it wasn’t about fairness at all. Can you relate?
Now, umpteen years later, I’ve come to realize that “Because I said so” probably shielded me from a world of hurt – physical and otherwise – without robbing me of my innocence at an early age. It also brought me to think about other such phrases that people find unfair and offensive but that are necessary at times. Topping that list for me is “Because I don’t want to”. These words to a parent’s ears are no-possible-explanation-for-it rude. To an employer, disrespectful and insubordinate. To a sibling, friend or partner, lazy and uncaring. But is that always the case?
I don’t think so.
Want. Have a desire to possess or do (something); wish for.
When a parent asks a child why they aren’t playing with a particular friend at the playground and the child answers, “Because I don’t want to”, isn’t it possible that the child is just being honest? When the employer asks why you’re not attending the (non-compulsory) office get-together and you answer, “Because I don’t want to”, isn’t it true that as an adult that’s a decision for you to make and your reasons are your business? When a sibling/friend/partner can’t understand why you’d rather hang around the house instead of going out with them, why isn’t “Because I don’t want to” not a plausible and complete response?
How many decisions have you made based on a feeling? How many times have you just known to do or not do something without being able to explain it? How many people’s feelings have you spared by giving a trite but true response instead of an unnecessarily involved answer? How many times have people almost demanded information from you that was none of their business?
Now turn it around. Why can’t we accept that it’s the same for others? Why is it honest, assertive, and even kind when we do it, but unfair, unfeeling, dismissive, and even rude when coming from others? Even in the worst-case scenario “Because I don’t want to” provides real insight into the person we are dealing with, and that’s a world of value all by itself. What do I mean? For example, if you asked your future spouse to pick up the can that fell from the old lady’s bag right in front of him and he says, “Nah” and you then ask, “Why?” and his answer is “Because I don’t want to”, that may be something to tuck away and think about. No?
So my take is use it when you mean it. Listen to when others use it and determine what they mean or what you just learnt about them. Either way, it’s definitely a response that serves a purpose.
What do you think?
