In a world that often values toughness, it’s easy to forget the impact that compassion and empathy can have on our relationships. The idea that “you can’t reach or teach with harshness” is more than just a nice thought—it’s a truth that affects how we communicate, connect, and therefore influence others.
When we communicate harshly, we create tension and barriers that can be difficult to break down. Instead of opening doors for genuine conversation, harsh words leave us defensive, cause us to shut down, and kill any chance of real connection. Whether in a classroom, a workplace, or at home, harshness fosters resentment and fear rather than motivation and growth. When people are constantly criticized or scolded, they may fall in line out of fear, but this doesn’t lead to genuine understanding or change. These patterns of harshness break trust, and make it impossible to build or maintain positive relationships.
Compassionate communication, on the other hand, builds trust and rapport. When we approach others with empathy, we create an environment where they feel valued and understood. This is especially important in authoritative roles like parenting, teaching and leadership, where the goal is to guide and inspire others. When people feel supported, they are more likely to take risks, make mistakes, and ultimately, learn and grow from those experiences. A safe and respectful environment encourages effort and fosters creativity making it easier for people to reach their full potential.
How can we change though? Start with honest self-reflection. Take a moment to consider how you typically interact with others.
Are you approachable or do you often resort to criticism or impatience?
Are you defensive?
Do you genuinely listen to others? GENUINELY. Not listening just enough to form a response or to decide if it’s interesting enough for your attention.
When we really listen we often begin to understand where a person is coming from and also realize that it was never about us. When we truly get that we are better able to be less critical and defensive because we no longer view it as personal. Now we can attempt to show respect for their thoughts and feelings, which in turn defuses tension and creates a more positive atmosphere.
Try giving feedback instead of criticizing. Aim for a balance of honesty and support. Constructive criticism is important, but it should be delivered in a way that encourages improvement rather than discourages effort. Patience and understanding are vital because the truth is that sometimes all someone needs is a little extra time and encouragement to get things right.
In the end, reaching and teaching others isn’t about being the toughest or loudest in the room. It’s about connection, understanding the needs of others, and guiding them with kindness. Harshness may seem effective in the short term, but it rarely leads to lasting success. Compassion, on the other hand, builds trust, facilitates growth, and creates lasting, positive change. So, the next time you’re tempted to raise your voice, criticize harshly, or just unleash a bad mood on someone else, remember: you can’t reach or teach with harshness, but with compassion, you can change lives… for the better.
